the in-between space

i told myself i’d try my best to write everyday, even if i didn’t feel like it, even if it was just 5 sentences (and i do not feel like it). so here we go, no expectations…

wisdom is patience… a thought inspired by A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin

this makes me think of quote by Leesa Renée Hall: “I answer to history.”

i’ve spent the past year or so wading through lots of white guilt, which has often been the motivator in how i’ve interacted with social justice movements.

i’ve been haphazardly jumping from one cause to another, trying to support everyone and everything in order to prove i’m a good person and make up for all the years i wasn’t doing more (a realization also inspired by Leesa Renée Hall in conversation with Layla F. Saad on the Good Ancestor podcast)

Leesa mentions this jumping from one cause to the next, from one fire to another and the inevitable exhaustion. and Layla speaks on her own experience with burnout in activism.

they both talk about how no one can support every cause, because we are finite people with finite time and energy.

which is something i rationally understand but needed permission to recognize, which are my limitations.

to bring it back to Leesa and keep an eye on the big picture, another important line of questioning is: what is sustainable? what are the causes i want to commit to in the long-term? how do my specific skills and traits translate into service?

another valuable nugget in their conversation was about the in-between space/the emptiness/the void that comes after asking the question and before we get the answer.

for the past year, i’ve been carrying the question: how can i be of service?

and slowly but surely, i think i’m making progress, moving closer to a place of clarity around my place in all of this.

and i’m also recognizing that it’s not effective for me to be moving from a place of self-hate or self-detestation. i’ve been so disgusted with my whiteness, i’ve been doing everything i can to counteract its reality, to try to negate the damage my existence has done.

and so i’ve been a ping-pong activist, moving from one cause to another, engaging deeply for a week or two before moving on to the next crisis.

when in actuality, i imagine what’s most beneficial to cause or movement is long-term commitment.

so, i’m in the process of reframing my approach to social justice movements. i’m trying to move away from knee jerk reactions to sitting with the question of: how do i make this a lifelong journey in which i can be of service?

because i deeply desire to be part of the change i want to see in the world. but i haven’t stayed focus on any one thing long enough to even begin to see how i fit into all of it.

and it kind of feels like growing up… which brings me back to: wisdom is patience. it’s the sitting with, waiting, learning, observing, preparing.

well, i guess that was more than 5 sentences… lol

❤ ❤ ❤