how the actual fuck do we continue on?

wow, what a time life has been.. the past month feels like it’s nearly destroyed me at times…

and here i am now.. contemplating trying to find new work/clients. and as a freelancer, it’s kind of a fucking nightmare..

i feel so down today. i mean, i’ve been feeling down a lot of days, but today, it continues on, weighing down my existence, making it impossible to envision something better, more beautiful, more satisfying..

i find myself filled with such deep anger at a system that’s broken us down, that’s minimized us and our most vibrant qualities..

i think of the many, many Americans who have sacrificed their soul in order to live.. the ways the system tells us this is the way it has to be.

i don’t see a place for me in this current system.. i struggle to find a place that doesn’t suffocate my soul..

i’m so tired, so motherfucking tired. of the pain, the disappointment, the injustice..

some days i really have no idea how i’m going to continue on, how i’m going to find a path that doesn’t plummet me into despair and misery..

and i feel self-conscious of this intense angst, but it is true. and it is valid. there is so much bullshit we’re expected to put up with, to bow down to.

i wish i could liberate all of us with the flick of a wand, transform society into something we all want to be part of.

when will it end? when will the reprieve come?

please, dear Spirits, help guide me out of this to a place of clarity, intention, and purpose. dear goddesses, please do not let the bullshit weigh too heavily on me.

may i find a version of life that is worth fighting for, worth sacrificing for, worth showing up for.

cause this shit, this bullshit we call “living” in the United States, surely isn’t enough..

when will it all collapse under the weight of misery and repression?

when will the call of millions of muted souls join together in a resistance that cannot be stopped?

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