welcome back!

hey y’all, welcome back!

it’s tuesday morning for me, on the cusp of spring, both externally and internally.

i’m here to make an announcement, a proclamation, mostly to myself.

it struck me this morning, a writing schedule i’d like to practice, which is: writing my daily pages (preferably first thing in the morning), posting here on wordpress (even if it’s just 3 sentences) daily, and then posting on my medium account weekly (which means figuring out a routine around research and outlining).

i feel grateful to have some sort of clarity around this, even if it doesn’t pan out exactly, even if it needs to be tweaked along the way. i’m navigating the terrain of routine with flexibility.

previously, back in 2018, i got obsessive about routine from a place of perfectionism, rigidity, and low self-worth. i was doing it all to prove to myself that i was worthy.

it’s not like that today, at least that’s not my intention. routine at this point is a means for me to create a container, a structure that allows me to do the rich, deep work i want to do. i want to accomplish a lot, and not for capitalism/”productivity” reasons, but for myself, and hopefully for others.

i want to be of service to this world before i leave this plane, and writing seems to be one of the best tools i have to do that.

my experience with routine back in 2018 was dominated by the perspectives of mostly wealthy white men.
this time around, i’m diversifying my sources. mostly because i can’t relate to wealthy straight dudes — they approach the world very differently, and i don’t particularly want to recreate those ways of relating to myself, to life, and to the world.
there’s a lot of entitlement there (inevitably), and a fair amount of delusion, and i’m trying to work myself out of these mindsets as a white person.

anyway, i don’t have much else to say here at this moment, other than i’m excited. i’ve often been wary of letting others in on my shifts and changes, my attempts at practicing new habits and ways of being. because i fear if i don’t hold true to it, people will judge me as a failure, as full of shit, as worthless. because this is how i respond to myself when i “fall short.”

this time around, i don’t feel so self-conscious. because i recognize it’s all practice, it’s all a work in progress, it’s all in the name of finding what works and what doesn’t.

is working out in the morning ideal or during my afternoon slump? should i make a meal schedule on sundays, so i don’t have to think about what i’m cooking every evening?

anyways, i love y’all. i hope you’re all doing well, and i’d love for anyone who’s interested to partake with me, in whatever way feels right for you.

i’m very grateful to not be doing this life thing alone, even when i’m literally alone. i’m grateful today to feel the presence of so many others who have come before and who are practicing with me today, even if i don’t know them.

the web of interconnection and interdependence lives on, no matter our circumstances.
sending you a hug if you need one ❤