fleeting truth & an aching heart

“…live your truth, however fleeting or confusing that truth may be.”

Cassandra Snow

what a concept, our personal truth as fleeting.. ever evolving, changing, growing, morphing.

i love this permission, to allow our truths to be passing and even uncertain. because i think it gets at why it is many of us don’t live our truths — we fear people will judge our shifts/changes, perceive them as inauthentic.

(i’m struggling to find words to express how i feel right now, so i’ll include another quote and go from there:)

“This continual ache of the heart is a blessing that when accepted fully can be shared with all.”

Pema Chodron

“continual ache of the heart” — this is an experience i can relate to intimately. i feel it often, and i try to run from it frequently. because when i truly engage with it, i fear it may break me right open, which i guess is the point.

i made a comment to a friend the other day that when i get really honest with an experience, when i dig down into the root of it, i often find that i’m scared. i realize this being scared is at the core of my experience, my main motivator. i can especially see this when i’m in avoidance/distraction mode.

i had a dream last night that i don’t remember beyond confronting the ways in which i never feel “good enough.” this truth has been plaguing me recently as i’ve been taking on more responsibility and in-turn having to confront my capacity and limitations.

i hate “disappointing” people, it feels like failure..

disappointing the people you loved was like the ultimate sin in my family, it was the worst thing my father could say to me, “i’m disappointed in you.” worse than being angry with me.. so i guess it makes since that when it happens (or when i perceive that it’s happening), it cuts me to my core.

spring has been slow moving here with lingering chilly days and freezing temperatures at night. but today, this morning, i look out my window at the green ash in our backyard, and the little birdies are jumping from branch to branch, chirping and living their best spring birdy life.

this brings me joy, reminds me i need to spend more time outside. always ❤

i love y’all and appreciate you for being here with me.

when the time is right, when we feel safe and secure, may we allow our hearts to ache with the gravity of life. even if just for a moment.

happy monday, and good luck ❤

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