a *deep sigh* kind of day

today has been such a *deep sigh* kind of day.. from the supreme court news to.. well, the mindfuck that is being a human.

i’m exhausted, seemingly all the time. and yet, yesterday, i felt productive and mostly at ease.. so the ebb and flow is real.. but it’s felt more ebb than flow recently.

i’ve found myself being more irritable over the past week, wondering what’s prompting my lessening of patience. stress? anxiety? fear of responsibility? or more specifically, of fucking up?

i wish i had more words, and yet, even words feel like work right now.

i wish i could give myself the release i so desperately crave. i am living in a liminal space between avoidance and heartache, and i don’t know how to make progress.

how do we break down when we have so much responsibility? is it a privilege to break down?

sometimes surviving has to be enough. and that reality is fucking depressing.. it’s all so bleak sometimes..

and yet, the birds still chirp (for now). the kids still play without care.

this life is a weird one, it is a slow burn towards terror, towards the unknown. and in the meantime, we do everything we can to enjoy and appreciate it.. what a silly, silly time..

well, i got to go “make money” now. best of luck — sending y’all whatever strength i can muster ❤