discernment.. or just a mindfuck?

discernment: “the ability to judge well” (Google)

i am lost in a sea of processing, starting this blog post for the third time today, running out of time and questioning if i have anything worthwhile to say today.

and maybe that’s my offering – my willingness to be in process — one that’s cycled through excitement, doubt, discernment, confusion, and overwhelm.

i have gotten lost in wanting to be “right,” instead of staying open to evolving awareness. i’ve been getting caught up in binary thinking of “good” or “bad,” forgetting that more often than not, things are both.

i am frustrated by how hard it can be to trust, well, just about anyone — to feel confident that someone’s perspective is free from the toxic residue of our current system. to paraphrase adrienne maree brown, it’s the expectation for someone to have a “perfect politic.”

which is simply not possible; none of this are free from the systems that oppress and infect us.

to quote Jessamyn Stanley, “all of us are misogynists.” and to extend this logic further, we’ve all internalized the shitty beliefs of the society we live in.

so ya, discernment can be an exhausting mindfuck of a time. and by the end of running mental laps in my head, i no longer know up from down.. nothing feels real or tangible. everyone seems full of shit (especially me). and i feel generally hopeless..

discernment, to me, is not whole sale buying or rejecting something — it is engaging from a place of deep inner wisdom (intuition?) that guides me towards what offerings are of service to me and the collective and which ones are not.

but honestly, y’all, i burnt myself out trying to get to the “truth of the matter” this morning, and now i feel like i have nothing left to say..

as far as what i’m practicing today: discernment sourced from deep within, not from my brain. because my mind will have me fucked up real quick.

i feel disappointed in this offering, but maybe that disappointment is just as valid and worthy as anything other feeling i have at the end of one of these.. still, i wish i had more to say..

i wish y’all the best as the week winds down.. instead of “seeking” truth, may we create space for it to reveal itself to us..

love y’all ❤ ❤ ❤